I dunno whether to laugh or cry when I saw it. I was laughing and coughing at the same time, but yet in my heart i felt abit sad. The point is it isn't even funny. I must be going mad.

I'm so upset. You had to ruined my day. All I asked for was that half hour out of 168 hrs in a week, and you just would not give it. That effectively ruined Saturday, the only day of the week I realli look forward to. I have to endure another week just to reach Saturday now. Thanks alot. I hate you. I dunno how long it will be before I can forget and forgive. I hate you both.

I had a dream yesterday night. Dreamt that Arcade somehow became alive again after it supposedly passed away. What's interesting is that it could open its eyes and even speak. It thanked me for the care I had given it and I cannot rmb the rest. Whats so weird is I rmb that after tt I ran arnd trying to buy milk powder for it, since I threw its bottle of milk powder away after it died. Maybe the dream is what Arcade has to say. Well if it is I am glad at least I has left me a signal. But right now I feel a tinge of sadness to think that it is finally gone, but yet again I feel happy it has gone on to lead a happier life. I'm happy for you Arcade. Go in peace and be happy.

Its been a week. According to chinese believes, those who passed away return on the 7th day, usually in the form of a black moth. I have no idea if this is true. but this morning i did saw a black moth on the wall outide my hse fluttering its wings on the wall. But this evening i haven't seen anything. maybe Arcade will send its own sign in its little ways. I miss it alot. I wish i could feel it again, hear it meow, see it crawl about energetically, suckle milk contently... oh well nothings gonna change now that it is all over. Arcade i hope you did drop by. Remember that the family loves you and misses you alot. Dun worry I am alot better now. I just miss you alot. But I love you even more.

thursday nuthin much happened. friday was jts! went to a junior's (yahting) hse to have bbq. din eat much, cuz bbq food is unhealthy and fattening. Well at least the most impt thing is that i interacted with the juniors and now i know all their names. Later, while dunking samuel into the pool i got pulled in too. lol. my hp n wallet was with me when i fell in. good thing both were ok. this is the first time i fell into a pool, but least i was not dunked. anyway i had a great time yesterday. played alot of games and alot of ppl got "taupoked" including me. yah wish both classes could have more fun like this. Maybe could organise a chalet together during year end.

My angel gave me a present plus a little poem about arcade. i'm touched. now i know how many ppl actually care about me and arcade. I am feeling much better this few days after giving some thought over everything. There is so much to live for, my family, friends, 6hers, wushu, my hobbies... the list goes on. Life may be full of ups and downs, but it is still beautiful. the beautiful thing about Arcade is that it has gone on to a much happier place. And i am happy for it. now i know there is no point in trying to forget it. it will always be in my hearts. its spirit will live on forever. Arcade, wherever you are now, I just want to say i am happy and proud of you. remember that our family loves you and I really hope someday you could visit. I will miss you but I love you even more.

it has been 2 days. I think i am coping quite well in school, but i still think of it alot. at home it isn't that good.there is still this feeling of emptiness in its absence. i dun cry anymore, but maybe that is because my tears already ran dry. but i think of it so much that i cannot really concentrate elsewhere. it'll probably be weeks before i fully recover and return to my normal chain of thoughts. i think i am emotionally very weak. and i have a very soft heart. such things affect me really badly. yesterday i even felt as if there was nothing in life to look forward to. that was how affected i was. today i feel abit better. but i still miss it alot.

Arcade i miss you alot. but i love you even more.

I din really cry in school today, though i did tear up at least once when my friend asked me about Arcade. I cry almost everytime i read through my previous article. I am having a hard time adjusting. There's a sense of emptiness looking at the sofa which held the box where Arcade once slept in. It feels terrible. I dunno how i will ever get out of this. It'll probably take weeks, maybe a month or 2.

Arcade I love you and I miss you. I hope you are happy where you are now. Do come back and visit us ok? I really miss you. And the whole family really loves you. You will always be in my heart. Remember that wherever you go.

To Arcade:
I love you. Although you have only been with me for 6 days, I am so emotionally attached to you that I find it hard to let go. From the moment I first met you, I already had feelings for you. I knew I had to take care of you. Nobody else would. Although your chances of survival are slim, I knew I still had to give you the chance. Now that you are gone, I cry for many reasons. I know I shouldn't cry as I have done my best to take care of you, but yet my heart weeps. It weeps for the fact that you came to this world and suffered, seperated from your mother at birth, unable to feel the warmth and love your mother would have gave you. If weeps because you never had the chance to open your eyes, to see what a beautiful world it is, to see the faces of those that truely care for you. As much as i weep, yet I am happy for you. You have gone on to a better place, one where you need not suffer anymore, one where you can be much happier. I am happy for that, yet sad and unable to cope with your loss. I had told myself to prepare for the worst, but when the worst came, I still could not hold back my tears, because I love you. The whole family loves you. I hope you are happier at wherever you are, and I hope that someday you might come back to visit us. We are always ready to welcome you back. Already I miss you. But go. Go to a place where you can find happiness, find nice people who will take care of you like us and not abandon you. Go Arcade, you are finally free.

Thanks to my mom and dad for the care and concern given to Arcade. I love you. Many thanks to those who have shown concern of Arcade. I'm sure he(Arcade's male) will truely thank us all.

In loving memory of Arcade - 12th January 2005 - 17th January 2005

Arcade just died. I have to go bury it.

Arcade's very weak. The vet said that we should be prepared for the worst. It doesn't even drink alot of milk anymore and has to be force fed. It is very much less active and energetic then before. But still I will not give up hope. It will get better. The emotional attachment to Arcade is getting stronger, and I cried at least once just now. Arcade please don't go, there are many people in this world who love you. As I write this I am crying once more.

Pray very hard for it. Please.

Arcade is doing fine. it drinks milk and pees alot. what worries me is that is doesn't seem to be gaining alot of weight. RIght now it still weights onli 2.7-2.8 ounces. average weight of 1 week old kittens is 4 ounces. but it is onli 5 days old. so there's still time.

here's this week's horoscope:
you may have met someone special, although the two of you could be very different. this week could see you engage in romance. any relationship, in fact, will be well starred.

sounds too good to be true. tt's all i can say. but rite now the issue tt is realli on my mind is Arcade.

Notice how small it is... 

Arcade! 

Decided to name the kitten Arcade, after Clementi Arcade where I found it. Wanted to name it charcoal after its coat colour but my mum suggested Arcade so I agreed. It seems to be doing fine. Has lots of energy and crawls n meows alot.But still it is very small and weighs onli abt 70grams.

By the way, I got braces for my upper teeth today too. Kinda hurts but I will be strong, just like Arcade is.

it is day 2 since i found the newborn. my mum brought it to sch today to look after it. right now it seems ok. hope it will be the 10%. i bought one of those bottles used feed infant kittens after sch. seems tt it is more effective in feedin it milk. looks lyk thses few days i gotta be in for some hard time. gotta wake up at 4-5 to feed it later. it needs to be fed every 2-3 hrs for the first wk. Right now i decided tt it's birthday wld be 12th jan, the day i found it. still dunno its gender.

it is still far frm being out of danger. so pls ppl wish it all the best. will try to post one or two pics of it up soon. to all pet owners out there readin dis, pls sterilise yur pets if u do not wan to deal with such unwanted pregnancies. or least, let the young cat or dog stay with its mother untill it is old enough for adoption den give it away. pls do not be so irresponsible.

oh yes happy bday to xinyi! may all yur dreamz come true. sorry for not turnin up today. the above is the reason, and hope u understand.

today nuthin much happened in sch... had gp test, helped sell abit of icecream for 04s75's cip project, den put up 2 performances for the j1s. gotta lotsa ppl write down their names... but dunno how many will join... dis yr not bad, got dhs wushu, tchs wushu as usual, got ppl hu r taekwando black belt, from national youth trainin team, ny wushu, n a few gymmers. lol. i hope most of them will join. after the cca exhibition watched junior class trash us in table soccer... haha we sux.

smthin realli impt happened on the way home. when i was walkin to my hse, i heard dis noise... sounded lyk some animal calling. it was a kitten! yes sadly it was abandoned. i found it lyin in a box by the roadside. from the looks of it, it is no more than2-3 days old. I dunno hu cld be so cruel as to seperate it frm its mother. initially we called spca, but there were high chances tt they were gonna put it to slp so in the end we took it to the vet. learnt how to feed it n help it urinate... kittens dnno how to pee, their moms gotta stimulate them initially... weird. Anyway now i have to be prepared for the worst, as a kitten without mother has ver low survival rate of 10%. Whoever the person is hu abandoned the kitten can go to hell... sry for my crude lang but i am realli upset. how could anyone be this cruel as to seperate the kitten frm its mother as birth? rite now it's chances of survival are slim, but i hope it will be strong and hopefully it can be a miracle. but if it realli decides to gif up, at least i noe i haf tried my best to save it n haf no regrets. do wish it all the best. it needs the strongest of will to survive without its mother.

had optional wushu training today. really no one seem to wan to practise so in the end i was lyk the onli one realli practising. Got cut practising broadsword... well it isn't tt bad, i've had worse. anyway later i ran with glen, yichao n yiren to mgs. knowing my limits, i turned back at 6th avenue. still, it was pretty tiring. good excercise though... hope will lose fat n build up my physical, considerin i am now the pe rep. lol. gonna write letter to my mortal now. hope she's nice n hopefully can get to know my juniors better. dey seem lyk a nice bunch.

every sunday i would read my horoscope in the sunday times. it is really amusing to see what is written sometimes. I wonder which joker writes them. But occasionally they are quite accurate. here's the one for this week:

Do not stay home unless absolutely necessary. This is also a time for romance. Also, try your hardest to stop labelling people. Intimate issues are on your mind.

I dunno whether to laugh or cry about this.

friday nite was campfire night. we stayed behind to sing n dance and relive our orientation one year back. really, as u seat in the central plaza, watchin the fire behind lit, the feelin of nostalgia really comes back. it gets even stronger when u start to sing all the songs. it really felt lyk one yr ago. anyway, after the whole thing ended, both 04s75n 05s75 went to the park opposite the sch to sit down n haf some chitchat. played abit of sparklers, talked abit, but ended up listenin to sick jokes said by the 04s75 girls... yes girls. anyway after tt we had photos takne with the junior class and then everyone dispersed. it was nice tt our class wans to interact more with our junior class, and i do hope tt will realli happen. dey seem lyk a nice lot. oh well i still wish it was one yr ago, when i could still haf fun. tt's wad i told my juniors: haf fun in the 1st 3 months =)

anyway on saturday evening, went out with the 6hers to celebrate xian's bday. we had dinner in the taka crystal jade and the food there rox. xian was treating us so muz say a big thankyou to huixian. anyway after tt we went to the airport to send off tengjin's bro... pretty lame considerin we dun even noe him. it was so funny, to see us juz foolin around the airport. after tt went to buy abit of candy and we sat down to light candles on xian's bday cake and sing song. jiahui n xinyi bought her a skirt, top, book and bag and i chipped in $10. so after finishing the cake we left on the last train for home. happy birthday huixian! may all your dreams come true! and 6h'99 rocks!

day 3 of sch and i am feeling better. woke with a headache but after takin my medication i felt much better. got to sch, had gp, a horrid bio test, phy lect, den went to meet my juniors. well... ok lah. not realli much to comment abt. least dey dun haf a obnoxious classmate... haha. oh well haf one wushu junior in my class, and yes the class got lotsa ny gals... 6 to be exact. heard frm my fren dis yr their prelim more easy. but my poor cousin still got 11 pts and had to go tjc... frm west coast to tjc... fer yur info tjc is further than vjc... so yah pretty jia lat. played double whacko and nuthin much else. had wushu trainin n practised for our orientation perforamance, but i din do much, still recoverin frm the flu... oh yes quite a few wushu ppl also sick, 3 more to be exact. so much for a typical day in sch...

i miss j1... miss all the fun i had in orientation, miss all the cheers and singing, miss all variations in sec sch uniforms... oh well juz wished i could turn the time back one year... and things could be so much different... sigh but wad's the pt? wad's happened has happened... juz gotta weather out j2 i guess...

i'm down with flu... muz be all the previous days of walking in the rain... hope none of the 6her's met the same fate as me... Not bad, sick on the second day of school... but i cannot even rest as tmr got bio test and i need to study for it. Guess tt's wad makes JC life sux... too stressful and hectic.

Yesterday was the first day of school. nuthing much really. got caught in a traffic jam and was nearly late. oh well later had combine assembly with my tchs juniors. argh the sec4s r in hc uniforms... oh well i juz dun lyk HCI... sux. anyway the new sec1s damn poor thing, made to line up on the field and den were walked off to take their places for flag raising. haha it was so embarrasing. den i noticed aother grp on the field... some guys and gals with white shirt and green shorts and skirts. HCI! hwa chong international...dunno wad to make of tt... but dey sure haf cool uniforms... the shorts is actually bermudas, similar to those worn by acs(I) lower sec. anyway after flag raising we went back to hcjc and were forced to learn the chinese high sch song. the gals were complaining tt the song super hard to learn... haha juz hafta learn slowly and take it one step at a time. quite interesting to hear gals sing tchs school song.

after tt we met our new ct, ms wang hui min of the bio dept... and to my horror, none of my other teachers have changed... tt includes my suckky maths teacher mr tan n phy teacher mr ong... noooooooooooooooooo. juz hope ms wang will be nice and tt she will help me wif my suckky bio. hmm, we had prac and tutorials on the first day... so boring, was gonna fall asleep.

after sch i went to put on braces... well not really braces, but the ring thingy the put in the molars... the process was okay, but it is hard to get used to something stuck in my mouth. anyway after tt started feeling so cold and feverish and well knew tt i was down with flu... slept till abt 10 this morn den went to see a doc on my own n got the highly impt mc... gd thin is tt i missed the maths test today... but tmr still got bio test... argh... gotta go study now... argh

after days of tearing up in front of the tv and computer screen reading about the tsunami victim's plight, i have finally decided to do something. that day, when the 6her's came my hse, we ordered pizza which came to abot 70. den towards the end i was given 70 by them and b4 i could return the money, dey left. so now i decided to make up that amt to 100 with my own savings and donate it to the red cross.

also, initially my mum wanted to raise my pocket money to $60 a week frm $50, but now i decided that the $10, times 52 weeks which is $520, i will donate to the red cross too. anyway i dun spend tt much and dun need tt money anyway. besides it comforts me to know someone out there who is hard hit by the tsunami benefits.

also here are my new year resolutions:
1) muz do all tutorials, least try to finish as much as possible
2) maximise usage of time and dun slacking (can play abit, juz dun slack)
3) work hard for upcoming wushu competition
4) work even harder for a-levels
5) focus my attention of the above 4 and try not to be distracted by other temptations and such

happy new year people!

today the 6her's came my hse to countdown. I still remember that the before i met them at the mrt at 6pm, i was cleaning the hse and once glanced the the clock and realised that it was 5.30! omg then suddenly i keep super fast and suddenly the hse was super clean in juz tt haf hour. den as i got ready to go, den i realised it was not 5.55, but 4.55! oh well stupid me. anyway after meeting them at th clementi mrt, we took bus to my hse outside and walked in. then it started to rain! omg tink most of us were drenched... oh no if anyone gets sick i dunno wat to do... anyway after reaching my hse dey had some food, potato salad, sandwich, drinks, blah blah... and den had pizza. after tt we watched american pie 2 on dvd. on well it was funny, but also had very crude language and abit of nudity, had to fast forward tt part. anyway after tt we countdowned and not long after everyone left and tt's it. well it was quite fun n nice to hang out with 6her's, juz tt i too lazy to actually say how fun it was. but actually also not realli alot of mood, cuz of the tsunami disaster. there wasn't even a countdownprogramme on channel 5, as a result we din realli know when the countdown really started. dunno which time to use!

anyway i was thinking... in the movie american pie 2, the guys are just back from college 1st yr and have a summer break. and dey sort of realise tt things are not the same... which actually is the main theme of the movie. basically in the end the movie tells us we sometimes must let go and move on from the past. think tt really applies to me too. it is time to move on and let go of the past, and well focus my attention elsewhere. there are lots more i can do while i am still young and i do not want to ruin my future and waste time by stubbornly clinging on to the past. well lots of time lyk in the movie, i lyk the main characters, do not want things to change. still wanna be in jc1, dun wan to be in some stinking HCI, dun wan to face a-levels... but i guess times change and as previously said, you have to move on. tt is why i lyk the movie. it is not juz funny, but also realli has alot i guess ppl our age can relate to.

anyway, juz wanna say happy new year and may all your wishes come true to all my friends out there, you know who you are.